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<h1>FEELINGS</h1>What does it mean to negotiate with feelings?Fundamentally, it involves a recognition that our feelings are formed in response to our thoughts. Providing rich ground for negotiating with our emotions,First - we need to examine our own story. What is the story we are telling ourselves that is giving rise to how we feel? What is our story missing? What might other people's story be? Almost always, an increased awareness of another person's story changes how we feel.Second- we need to explore our assumptions about the other person’s intentions. To what extent are our feelings based on untested assumptions about their intentions? Might the other person might have acted unintentionally, or from multiple and conflicting intentions? What was motivating us? How might our actions have impacted them? Does that change how we feel?Finally, we should always consider the contribution system. Are we able to see our own contribution to the problem? In what way does this shift how we feel?We may not have or need definitive answers to these questions until we have a conversation with the other person. We can only hypothesise to raise enough questions and grapple with them to walk around the sculpture of our feelings and observe from different angles.If we are thoughtful, honest and approach the questions openly with spirit of fairness, our feelings begin to shift.Our anger may lose its edge; our hurt may run less deeply; our feelings or betrayal or abandonment or shame or anxiety may feel more manageable.<h2>Describe feelings carefully: Don’t vent</h2>Once you have found your feelings and negotiated with them, you face the task of deciding how you handle those feelings. There will be times when you decide that sharing your feelings is unnecessary or unhelpful. At times, your feelings will take center stage in the conversation.Too often we confuse being emotional with expressing emotions clearly but they are different. You can express emotions well without being emotional, and you can be extremely emotional without expressing much of anything at all.Sharing feelings well and clearly requires thoughtfulness.<h3>Guidelines for expressing feelings that helps ease anxiety and make an effective communication/ conversation</h3>Frame the feelings back into the problem First, remember feelings are important. It’s always possible to define a problem without reference to feelings and that is not true problem solving.&nbsp;If feelings are the real issue or problem, then feelings should be addressed.Your feelings need to be rational to be expressed. Thinking that you shouldn’t feel as you do rarely changes the fact that you do.&nbsp;Your feelings, at least for the moment, are an important aspect of the relationship.You can preface their expression with an admission that you are uncomfortable with the feelings or you aren’t sure they make sense, but follow that preface by expressing them. Your purpose here is to get them out. You can decide what, if there is anything to do about them.Express the full spectrum of your feelings Putting a broader spectrum of feelings into a conversation, changes the nature of the conversation. It’s no longer a battle of anger. It encourages an individual to bring some depth and complexity to discussion and give someone something to reflect on.&nbsp;One will understand what motivates others behavior and the impact of their actions to them and others..The conversation does not end with expressing feelings nor does expressing the full range of emotions make the conversation easy. But it may well be less contentious, lead to greater understanding and engagement, and point the way toward different patterns of interacting that are more mutually supportive.Don’t evaluate- just share Getting everyone's feelings on the table, heard and acknowledged is essential before you can begin to sort through them. If you say “I feel hurt”, and they say “you are overreacting”, the process of struggling toward a deeper understanding of each other and of the problem is short circuited.Premature evaluation of whether feelings are legitimate will undermine their expression and ultimately the relationship.You can establish an evaluation by sharing feelings without judging, attributing or blaming others, saving problem-solving until later and don’t monopolize because both sides can have strong feelings at the same time. Remember to promote us by subscribing to our <a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.youtube.com/@bloomlessons" alt="YouTube Channel">YouTube Channel</a>, or following us on <a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.linkedin.com/company/bloom-lessons" alt="LinkedIn">LinkedIn</a> and <a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.facebook.com/bloomlessons" alt="Facebook" class="on">Facebook</a>. ​Thank you. 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